13/07/2024
What to say, what to say...
Mentally i've had a pretty terrible couple of months, not been feeling too great about myself and my current relationships with people as a whole but alas, i plod on! Sometimes you gotta work through it, make mistakes understand what you like and dislike about your current situation and work on ways to improve it as best as we can as people. That being said, i've been abit overwhelmed by people i've been trying to stay friendly with IRL and so for the most part i'm planning on focusing on my weekends just being for me most of the time. Finding that perfect balance of relaxing, doing my hobbies and projects and not neglecting people for too long is hard. I hope there's time to properly relax more in future like i'm currently able to do this weekend.
Planning on getting back into making this site more feature-rich with actual OC pages soon, i wanna mock up a new theme eventually too, i just need to write up the CSS design i wanna go for and such, still wanna make a halloween and christmas alt for the site this year too. I would like to play around with things some more anyways and figure out if i can make it flow nicely as neocities sites go but maintaining the old school charm.
Art-wise, i've been back to posting on twitter again, i just follow japanese artists mainly now, i find whenever i follow anyone english there seems to be this language barrier between me and them and it's funny considering i'm british and english is my native language. It's honestly frustating to interact with people nowadays. I blame myself for it, i just have less and less patience for people i don't know well enough. If people are assed, they can find me, it's not hard if you've known me long enough.
So yeah, not alot else to say for now, erm i just wanted to kinda put my jumbled up thoughts into a place i made on this site for just that, i plan on making blog pages to make this look cleaner(?), but we will have to see how focused i am over the upcoming weeks, work has been a tiring pain and all i wanna do is game and relax over website making and art lately. Fingers crossed!!
12/05/2024
Mentally, i've been feeling really alone for a good year or so now. As much as i want the personal connections with people i'm feeling more and more distant with everyone i seem to be in contact with now. I just don't connect so much with people anymore. Every interaction feels so awkward and lacks a genuine connection. When i'm in calls with people i've felt for the longest time that i bore them.
I don't feel appreciated and respected by my peers, the people who i thought were close online friends were pretty quick to drop contact with me, and ones that i had a begrudgant issue with don't even know why i'm upset with them when they've ignored me for months on end. I thought deleting and limiting use of Discord would have made me feel better but i keep getting bothered often by other types of people that essentially want to use me for personal gain than be friends with me.
I'm really tired, i don't even know what's the point anymore of being alive really. I value my life but i'm just not happy and comfortable where i am anymore. It's a pain to get out of bed and do normal chores which i usually enjoy doing. I'm still trying to draw art but i'm losing the point of bothering with that now that i don't post i publically anymore.
Idk, guess i just have to deal with it regardless, i'm still trying to make a vtuber and personal art for myself more now, trying to stream well to 1 viewer too. It just all feels like a waste of time now.
30/01/2024
Yeah so i kinda miss having a place to put longer forms of information or discussion about things on my mind that have been happening as of recent, whether it be about this site or art in general or a game i've been enjoying i kinda wanna add that personality side to this site abit more.
We'll obviously see how it goes but like i don't see why not y'know?
The process to the site has mainly been me moving things around, cleaning it up, making it more functional, visually not alot has changed besides the dark mode looking more refined in the vibe i wanted for it, i still wanna do some art for the background if i can figure how to layer it over the tiled background cos i think that would look smart and easier to overall change after the fact for convenicance. A big part of me tweaking this site up has mainly been so i can keep tweaking it as the years go round and always have a website design i fall back on inbetween trying newer layouts in the future.
As for art, things have been a different pace of what i'm used to doing. I really like drawing alot more and keeping busy, it keeps my mind sidetracked enough where i don't feel the loneliness i get from time to time. As with anything that becomes a passion, the thought of money starts getting put on the table as i improve and gain more meaningful relationships/friendships/parasocialisms with the people who follow my work. I've been given money on ko-fi and well, even though i really appreciate that, i feel obligated to draw people something when they pay ALOT more money than i expected. I just like doing art for free, commission have never really been a positive thing for me. So i'm putting it up to a vote on twitter, focusing more on a more LAX take on how i do freebies, and i'm gonna start encouraging people to tip if they do wish to support me but it's never EVER required. I have a shit paying job but like the joy i find in the internet is the freedom to make stuff for others enjoyment and happiness, and when i stray away from that with money, it cheapens the experiences i get with specific people.
So here's what i'm currently focusing on with my art things:
27/08/2023
Got alot of things done over these past few days, i kept thinking "i should take a break" as i forget what i just said and continue to troubleshoot and add things to the site to get it to a point of stopping. Tennocon 2023 was timed perfectly for me whilst i was finishing the majority of things up last night so that was a blast to watch as i worked.
I'm please to say i am to that point now and will be taking a break for the rest of my bank holiday weekend, i hope people who see this website likes what i've done thus far, i'm pretty proud of myself with how far i've come within these 3-4 weeks of learning and understanding HTML and CSS. I'm still dipping my toes in with javascript a tad too, not super keen on its language yet but hopefully in future i'll get it.
Anyways, have a great weekend! I'm gonna potato out and play Warframe and watch some shows. Expect more from me soon! C:
25/08/2023
Still moving gifs about on the front page, mainly due to the way mobiles likes to handle it, slowly layering them instead and hopefully over time will fill the entire bliss wallpaper. Also finally added a guestbook, went with 123guestbook.com instead of making my own on the site cos it's just easier and fits the iframe windows and theming as well as i expected, unfortunately i think i'm gonna swap it out for a chatbox instead cos it just ip bans anyone who types in their verification thing incorrectly or correctly for that matter, it did it to me so, no thanks...
Tried adding webamp but i don't like specifically where it sits right now as it seems to just get in the way, i will work on this later on.
Finished watching baki, shit was good. Still odd that they never put the original baki stuff on netflix but started after where he won the big tournament.
Thank you to analexrujamoment & docgoestohell for the follow and kind words!
24/08/2023
Managed to get a few days off work for the up coming bank holiday weekend, so i'm going to spend that time wisely and work hard on getthing this site to a standard i want before i eventually hard focus on making it look prettier and such at a slower pace. Planning on making a ton of art specifically for this website in the future, still figuring out how javascript works language wise, it can be abit odd with how people try to explain things, especially when reading top rated answers to some of my questions on StackOverflow. To anyone who's watching me refresh this page like crazy to see if anything has changed, i appologise i need to set all this up to work offline but i'm not sure where to actually start with that, low and behold i like that i can just do it live on neocities even if it narks me that any save i do is counted as a major update for this site, hahaha.
20/08/2023
Work was crappy this week and i've been destressing playing some Warframe with my friends currently, was hoping to get my head down today and do some more site updates but time and exhaustion has got in the way. For now, hopefully me uploading some new buttons and me putting a link to where i got them from in Credits -> Resources will suffice.
